Spit or Swallow

Dear Dr. Melanie,
A few of my customers have asked me how to push beyond their mental boundaries so they can swallow their partner’s ejaculation. I haven’t been able to help them because I too, have issues with it. Are there any mental exercises or re-training of thoughts to try and overcome this? Thank you!
– Helpful Fantasia Rep

Dear Helpful –

The first step is to explore why the boundary exists. Were you pressured or forced to swallow at some point, so that doing it now brings back that bad memory? Did you get the message that body fluids are gross? Or that only “bad girls” swallow? Is your partner pressuring you to do something he’s seen in porn and expects every woman to enjoy? Does he claim that swallowing will prove that you really, really love him or that you’re really, really turned on?

Some boundaries can be overcome by communication with a partner. Others benefit from education or therapy. You’re not a therapist, so you can work on your own issues but not hers. Suggest that she may want to think through, on her own or with a professional, where her attitudes about swallowing come from (no pun intended).

A pause for a public health message: Unless the partners have both tested negative for sexually transmitted infections (STIs), they should use a condom for oral, vaginal and anal sex. Unprotected sex can lead to STIs in the mouth and throat.

Back to my answer: If you truly want to swallow his cum for your own pleasure, try these three steps:

Step One: Assess whether the issue is taste, texture, or technique.


  • A man who smokes, drinks a lot of alcohol, is on medication, or eats certain foods may have crummy-tasting cum. Some of these issues can be controlled; some can’t. If the taste is really off-putting, suggest that he discuss it with his doctor, in case it indicates a health problem.
  • Unwashed genitals and anuses have odors that an add to the ick factor. Tell him to shower, already.
  • Is he willing to swallow what he wants you to swallow? Invite him to taste his cum, so he appreciates what he’s asking of you.
  • Semen can be slick and watery or thick and mucus-y. The same guy’s cum can change in consistency from day to day. If you’re sensitive to textures in your mouth, experiment with foods you’d normally avoid due to the texture. If you can swallow applesauce and pudding without chewing, you can handle a load of ejaculate.
  • Maybe the resistance to swallowing is cause by unfamiliarity. Once you successfully swallow, you may find that you enjoy it. Many women find fellatio extremely arousing and get even more turned on by swallowing a partner’s cum.

Technique (his or hers):

  • If your guy is thrusting into your mouth, tell him to let you do all the work so you control depth and speed.
  • If he’s deep throating you, tell him to forget it for now. Taking a penis into your throat requires angling your head and neck to avoid triggering the gag reflex. It’s an art that takes time to master. If you don’t even like a penis deep in your mouth, try taking it into the pocket of your cheek.
  • Cum gets thicker the longer it’s outside a guy’s body. If you hold a teaspoonful in your mouth for more than a second or two, it’s going to feel like a quarter-cup of goo.

Step Two: Take it in stages

  • Start by asking him to cum on his stomach, into your hand, on your breasts…wherever you’re comfortable.
  • Next, have him cum in your mouth, but discretely spit into your hand or a tissue.
  • When you’re 100% comfortable with that, try swallowing quickly. Taking it with a sip of water may help.

Step Three: Ask yourself whether the issue is swallowing or oral sex in general.

Experiment to see what might make oral sex more enjoyable. Do you feel incompetent? If so, ask your partner for guidance. Do you get tired? If so, case, switch between your mouth, your hands, his hands, your vagina, etc.

If he’s taking so long to cum that you’re getting lock jaw, give him more stimulation. Pay attention to his testicles or anus, let him play with your vulva or vagina with his fingers, or straddle him so he can enjoy the view while you give him oral sex. Or ask him for oral sex at the same time.

There are endless ways to enjoy sex with a partner that have nothing to do with swallowing cum. Do only what brings you pleasure, and avoid anything you don’t enjoy.