Missing the Big O

Dear Dr. Melanie,

I love to have sex but I have never felt the feeling of an orgasm. I can cum if it’s by oral sex or masturbation. Please doc give me some advice??? — Frustrated


Dear Frustrated ,

If you can “cum,” you have had an orgasm, so what I believe what you’re saying is that while you orgasm through masturbation and oral sex, you do not experience orgasm through penile-vaginal intercourse. The great majority of women require direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, and they just don’t get it from penile penetration in the vagina. That’s not to say intercourse doesn’t feel good, but it’s just not going to lead to a woman’s orgasm unless the guy “rides” high enough to rub his pubic bone or the base of his penis against the clitoris as he thrusts. Some women can reach orgasm through stimulation of the G spot through the front wall of the vagina (rear entry helps), but they are in the minority. Try experimenting with different positions for intercourse, including those that allow you or your partner to manually stimulate your clitoris during intercourse. Ultimately, it’s not how you reach orgasm or even whether you reach orgasm each time you have sex — enjoy the journey!