Lost That Lovin’ Feeling

Dear Dr. Melanie,
I am a Fantasia Rep and I have a customer who has tried even our best toys for stimulation and says it does nothing for her. She has been through a surgery several years ago and somehow, for what reason I can’t come up with, during the surgery the tip of her clitoris was snipped and now she has no feeling through her clitoris at all. I have tried to help her but she says that she still has no feelings there. and sex is just sex to her no orgasm or feelings of pleasure at all. Help! I don’t know what to do for her. Is there something she can try to get these feelings of satisfaction or orgasm back. -Helpful Sales Rep

Dear Helpful Sales Rep,
This is a medical issue, so I asked a gynecologist for an opinion. She said it would be extremely unlikely that the glans of the clitoris would be accidentally cut during surgery. There are surgeries that might remove clitoral tissue in the case of cancer in the area, but the interior nerves should still be working.
The clitoris is shaped like a wishbone, with the “legs” or crura, extending along both sides of the vulva, under the labia majora (big lips). The clitoral shaft is at the top of the wishbone shape, with only a small portion of the shaft visible to the eye. Deep stimulation of the G spot, through the front vaginal wall, may be pleasurable for your client because it can reach both the area of the G spot and the internal parts of the clitoris.
A curved toy designed to reach the G spot may be helpful, as well as some coaching for her partner to stimulate the area by stroking it with one or two fingertips that are moist with lubricant. Until she gets aroused again, she’ll need lubricant to make any sexual activity feel better.
You could ask whether she has tried masturbating with lubricant and only her hand(s) or a less powerful vibrator. It may be that while she assumes more vibrating power is the answer (the Nano), she was actually making herself numb. She may respond better now to slow, sensual stroking or circles. Suggest that she try to relax and enjoy the sensations without trying to experience orgasm. Sometimes, women try so hard to orgasm that they become too anxious to get off.
She may also want to see a sex therapist who can provide more specific ideas. If she can emotionally replace the goal of orgasm with the goal of pleasure, she may be able to enjoy partnered sex, regardless of her orgasm experience.