Dear Dr. Melanie,
My husband wants to try bondage – he wants me to tie him to the bed and then “have my way” with him. I’m willing to try it but don’t know where to start. –Bond(age) Girl
Dear Bond(age) Girl,
Some couples like to create a scene, or role play, to get into the spirit of things, while others move from general foreplay or massage into bondage. There are many levels of it, from fantasy, i.e., stretching out your body and imagining you’re tied up, to holding a pose and laying a scarf or tie over your wrists of ankles without being actually tied, to using body tape (doesn’t stick to skin or hair), Japanese ropes, or other types of straps. Fantasia Home Parties has some beginner items you might want to try. Be sure to set up a safe word before starting, so you and your partner know to stop the scene immediately upon hearing the word. Make sure it’s a word you wouldn’t ordinarily use during a sexual encounter. Also, talk about exactly what each of you expects from the other – if he wants to play for 5 minutes, you don’t want to be tying him up and keeping him captive for an hour. Any time you tie him (or he ties you), keep the bindings loose enough to allow proper circulation…and check fingers and toes every 5 minutes to make sure things are copacetic. If you experiment and decide bondage is a turn-on, do some research to be sure you know what you’re doing and can play smart.
Melanie Davis, PhD
