He’s Not Interested

Dear Dr. Melanie,

This is my second marriage and my husband and I have been married since September of 2009. We don’t make love very much. We make love once every other month. I am 41 and he is 38. Most of the fighting we do is over sex. I am the one that wants its and he doesn’t. He doesn’t even like to kiss. I have tried to talk with him, and he either says I know we need to improve on things or he tells me its gets old talking about it and its always the same thing. I try to express to him that its not just about the sex its everything kiss, hand holding, cuddling. He says he has gotten comfortable in our relationship. I don’t know where to turn anymore this have been a problem for awhile.-Cold Shoulder


Dear Cold Shouldered,

I’m sorry that you feel so isolated from your husband in terms of affection, intimacy and sexual activity. I wish I could help you directly, but your situation requires different expertise. You and your husband have significant relationship issues to address, given that he seems to have no interest in showing you affection. He should have a complete physical exam, including blood work for Testosterone levels, to ensure that there is no medical reason for his lack of libido (sex drive). At the same time, make an appointment with a sex therapist — you can find a certified sex therapist in your area at www.AASECT.org. If your husband refuses to participate in problem solving, please see a therapist on your own because you will need to decide whether you want to continue living in an affection-free marriage.